Of course, all characters used here are copyrighted. Me and Lin, who wrote this bit with me, don't own them. We aren't associated with the X-Files in any way, either. (Other than watching the show, that is. We do do that!) And, so that proper credit is passed around here, I did Langly and Mulder's lines, while Lin did Scully's.
Langly: *lounges in his chair singing show tunes - off-key, of course*
Scully: Shut up, Langly.
Langly: hey, I don't have to shut up! Give Frohike your pager number, now...
Scully: *makes face* Forget it!
Langly: *shrugs* whatever you say, Scullprod.
Scully: Look, I don't care if that freak likes me!
Langly: *sweetly* and why would that be, Scully?
Scully: Because... I LOVE MULDER YOU MORON!!!!
Langly: *holds up the tape of their meeting* And I've got it on tape! Ha! *laughs evily and dodges Scully's futile blows*
Scully: I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!!
Langly: isn't that against the law or something?
Scully: The Government hates you anyway- now give me the bloody tape!!!
Langly: the Government may hate me, but Mulder likes me. We're buddies. How d'ya think he's gonna feel about you if you kill his little blond buddy?
Scully: I'm sure he'll understand. Besides, you're not even a natural blond.
Langly: hey! Watch the hair, lady! *flops down in a chair and lounges, still dangling the tape* Besides, you're not exactly a natural red-head either, now are you???
Scully: Do you have any proof of that, or are you like Mulder making speculations about something you can't proove?
Langly: *points at video camera above Scully's head* I've got a perfect shot of your roots. *smiles mock apologetically* Sorry.
Scully: I'd hate to tell you, but some people with lighter hair colors have roots naturally.
Langly: do red-heads have dark brown roots, by any chance?
Scully: Blonds do.
Langly: if that's the case, how do you know I'm not a natural blond?
Scully: Because Mulder told me how he helps you dye it.
Langly: if Mulder helps me dye my hair, what makes you think the two of us aren't... you know... *looks at the ground fake modestly*
Scully: *gives exasperated sigh* Because...
Langly: really? Whoa, you sure give great excuses! You should give me pointers someday. Really.
Scully: *clears throat* Because he's my partner, and my best friend, and we tell each other everything!
Langly: so I suppose you won't mind if I let him listen to the tape, then? *smiles sweetly* He already knows, if that's true.
Scully: Okay, so not everything...
Langly: *like a talk show host* Well Scully, you're going to get a rare opportunity today. We've invited someone very special to listen in on this conversation, and I'm SURE he's gonna want to come in and add some stuff of his own to it! *calls to the door* Mulder! You can come in now!
Scully: S#!%! I'm gonna kill you for this! *to Mulder* Uh, hi.
Mulder: hi. *moves closer to Scully* Why didn't you tell me before?
Scully: Umm.. I- that is I...
Mulder: *shrugs* hey, it's okay. I just would've liked to know sooner. You know, give me some time to break off my relationship with Langly and all.
Scully: You don't mean you-
Mulder: no, actually, I don't. I just thought I'd try and shock you.
Scully: Good. Not that I have anything against that, but... Well, you don't make the most attractive couple for starters.
Langly: hey, what's that supposed to mean? *dangerously* You're insulting the hair again, aren't you???
Scully and Mulder: SHUT UP LANGLY!!!
THE END... or is it? The truth is out there...
copyright 1999, Jadis Darkmore and Mara Jade
